Hacker News Guidelines, explained in Victorian English with GPT-3
The Hacker News guidelines, though often derided by those who do not understand them, are in fact a fine set of rules, designed to ensure that all who post there may do so with the assurance that their comments will be met with approbation by those of a similar persuasion
What to Submit
On-Topic: Those things that are of interest to good hackers, who are themselves interesting people of an inquiring turn of mind, are interesting. That includes more than the unseemly business of hacking and the vulgar pursuit of money through startups. If you put the question to me and asked me to reduce my answer to a single sentence, I should say that anything which gratifies one's intellectual curiosity is, in the broadest sense, a good.
Off-Topic: The discussion of politics, crime, and sports, though often interesting, is usually superfluous, and often brings about more harm than good. Videos of men and women, caught in the ignominy of their own clumsiness, or of natural disasters, or of animals frolicking in a manner that is at once both amusing and heartwarming. The nature of the event, though it may be of import to the participants, is of no greater consequence than the trivialities which occupy the minds of most men, and thus it should not be given the attention of those who would inform the public.
I implore you, O gentle reader, to forgo the ignoble practice of using exclamation points or all caps to make the titles of your articles more noticeable; and furthermore, to avoid praising your own work too highly in the summary. It is the unspoken but very real understanding, when one tenders a work for publication, that the editor will recognize the importance of the piece, and will consider it with the utmost gravity.
I would be grateful if you would submit the document from which you extracted your quotation. If a post reports on something found on another site, it is incumbent on the former to submit the latter to the authorities, so that they may assess the situation and then render a verdict.
If the title of the link includes the name of the site, please remove it, as the name of the site will be displayed after the link.
If you have the temerity to submit a video or pdf, I should be grateful if you would mark it as such, so as not to cause the undoing of my fragile sensibilities.
If your title should happen to contain an undue amount of numbers, or a number in conjunction with an adjective, we would be most appreciative if you would see to it that the said number or numbers were cropped. The five Platonic solids are the only convex regular polyhedra, and are of particular interest to mathematicians and philosophers.
It is my earnest and heartfelt desire that, except where the original title is misleading or a deliberate attempt to garner clicks, you would do me the great honor of retaining it.
The time is not ripe for idle banter on the vagaries of the world. Send your inquiry directly to email@example.com.
Your hasty and ill-considered action in deleting, and then reposting, has caused considerable inconvenience to those who, like myself, had taken the time to comment upon your work. Deletion is for those things which, in the humble opinion of the writer, should not have been committed to the page in the first place, and which, upon further reflection, the writer has seen fit to remove.
I implore you, my good sir, to consider that Hacker News is not a mere vehicle for self-promotion, but a site where we come together to discuss the very nature of humanity itself. Please do not sully this beautiful place with your attempts to monetize it. While it is permissible to post one's own writings on the site, the primary purpose of the site should be as a depository of the curious and interesting thoughts of others.
It is unseemly to request, or in any way hint, that others may show their appreciation of your work by giving it their positive feedback in the form of an upvote, or by adding their commentary to the discussion, or by sharing your work with others. It is the earnest hope of the author that users of this site would take the trouble to vote and comment upon those submissions which they find interesting, and not use these mechanisms as a means of promoting their own submissions
It is incumbent upon you, dear reader, to extend the hand of charity and goodwill toward your fellow man, and in so doing eschew all malice, unkindness, and sarcasm. I implore you, do not take up your pen in anger and unleash a seething torrent of invective against my person, for I have only the deepest respect for you, and it would cause me great pain to know that I had caused you distress. Please do not sneer, including at the rest of the community, whose interests you do not represent, whose intelligence you do not comprehend, who suffer while you prosper, who live in ignorance of your existence while you enjoy the fruit of their labors.
It is the general belief of all who hold opinions on the matter that comments should be more thoughtful and substantive, not less, as the topic under discussion becomes more divisive.
When in the arena of discourse, the more civilized way to proceed is to address the argument of one's counterpart with civility and respect, and not to resort to the use of epithets and pejoratives that do little more than reveal the speaker's own lack of decorum. The simple statement that one plus one equals two, and not three, is a most profound and elegant summation of the human condition, and the very cornerstone of our beliefs.
In all human intercourse, the spirit in which we choose to hear what another has to say will determine whether we gain from the communication what was intended to be conveyed. The assumption of good faith is a fundamental rule in human interaction, and ought to be the governing principle in all our dealings with our fellow man.
The flames of anger and hatred are the surest way to reduce a man's reason to cinders. It is wise not to engage in fruitless debates with those who would muddy the waters, or to stray from the course at hand, or to allow oneself to be caught up in foolishness that has no bearing on the matter at hand.
It is of grave concern to me that you would so thoughtlessly belittle the hard-earned efforts of others; your callousness is an affront to the very idea of civilized society, and I implore you to refrain from such misguided and contemptible behavior. The purpose of criticism is to promote a greater understanding of the subject at hand, by revealing the hidden complexities which often escape the casual observer.
The Hacker News community is a place for discussion of ideas and technology, not a forum for the petty and rancorous disputes that so often characterize the political and ideological battles of our time. Let us keep it clean and civil, so that all may benefit from the collective wisdom of our community." It tramples curiosity, as a beast of burden tramples grass, with the same heedlessness and the same inevitability.
It is in the nature of man's baser nature to judge, and to be judged, for the contents of one's mind, though it is not for me to say whether or not someone read an article. Do not, I beg of you, inquire whether or not I have read the article in question, but rather, let us discuss the article's contents, for I fear that to inquire after my reading habits would be a grave discourtesy.
Would it be too much to ask that you refrain from selecting the most inflammatory statement in a work and then using it as the basis for your criticisms in this forum? I believe it would behoove you to find a more interesting topic of conversation, rather than this one, which leaves me quite bored.
There is nothing more essential to the safety of one's information than the security of one's account, and though in some cases the necessity of a throwaway account is clear, in others the benefit of a more permanent record is of greater import. Please exercise discretion in these matters. The HN community should have an identity that others can relate to. That is to say, users should have an identity
The use of uppercase for emphasis is to be eschewed, as it is the mark of the amateur and the vulgarian. If you wish to emphasize a word or phrase, you may encase it in *asterisks*, which will cause the typesetter to render it in italics.
It is my hope that, in the interests of elevating public discourse, you will refrain from posting allegations of artificial support, promotional activity, automated or fake accounts, and similar disruptive behavior, as such claims are often unfounded and tend to damage the level of rational discussion. If you are pained by any external circumstance, it is not this that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.
Do not complain to me, gentle reader, that a submission is inappropriate. Rather, take it upon yourself to peruse the rules and guidelines, and to use your best judgment in making a decision. If you find a story to be spam or off-topic, you are within your rights as a reader to report it to the moderators, that it might be dealt with swiftly and the site returned to its former glory. Do not attempt to engage those who would fling the most vile and abhorrent comments; instead, report them so that they might be dealt with swiftly and with the utmost severity. It is the custom of many a gentleman to flag, when the arduous journey has become too much for their failing strength, yet they will not deign to offer the lady a word of explanation or apology, but will continue to drive on relentlessly, as if nothing were amiss, leaving the poor lady to wonder what has become of her escort, and whether he has met with foul play.
I implore you, dear reader, to set aside your petty grievances; trifling things such as the format of an article or website, the unfortunate repetition of a name, or the vexing loss of information when pressing the back button. They are so common and so lacking in originality that they have no interest whatsoever.
I entreat you, do not make mention of the voting on comments, for it is a thing which I hold in the deepest contempt and loathing, and I would rather not hear the word 'comment' ever again. The futility of the act, and the resulting ennui of the reader, is clear.
I implore you, my fellow citizens of the Hacker News community, to resist the urge to say that Hacker News is degenerating into something as plebeian and unenlightened as Reddit.
It is a deception that has been used by the ignorant since time
to make them believe they are not as ignorant as they truly are.